The Scorpio full moon has revealed a few home truths that have kept my life in a holding pattern. It is news to my mind, but not to my heart that I been allowing the unworthiness and suffering chapters of an ancient story, to keep running in the background. It is not news to my heart as I have felt the pain, however I have concluded that I need to work harder, market better and lose weight. This has created a life where I work hard but get nothing done, spend money and time on marketing but remain invisible and have put more weight on. I have created exactly what I have been focused on and it has justified the unworthiness and suffering.
You may ask why do we allow outdated beliefs to run in the background and compromise our everyday way of being. Because… drumroll… Somewhere along the line in my life, I thought, I concluded that to think this way was giving me more pleasure than pain. Maybe I was taught this belief or watched another do this and receive an outcome I wanted. Whatever the reason it doesn’t matter, this has helped me to ask different questions of life, the experiences it has created have born new wonderful creations and paths that I would not have become. From this moment on I will focus on the new creations, what I want instead of what I don’t want and build new foundational chapters to create my next book of life.
Over the last few days I have experienced chaos that relates to the unbalanced vibes of those old chapters. I had stuffed all my pain in to a metaphorical suitcase where I have had to sit on it to keep it from bursting open. It has taken so much energy to keep this closed and the full moon seemed to shine into the heart of my suitcase that created a star that wanted to be seen. It melted away all the layers and yes, you guessed it. Right in the middle of the most inappropriate moment, my suitcase exploded! Here I now stand doused in my fear and insecurities, the contents of my suitcase lying broken around me.
Imagine your suitcase spontaneously springing open at a busy airport, exposing all your smalls and secrets to the world – well here I stood with my underwear swinging from my ear and my shadow self laying raw and naked all around me. My initial reaction was shock and then panic set in, I ran around picking up remnants of the old me, desperately stuffing them all back into the broken suitcase. Of course, everything kept spilling out. My skeletons had leapt from the cupboard and there was no way they were going back in. So now here I sit in the middle of all of this stuff, laughing and crying. Then I decided to share this with you all – as I write this I realise I am in the middle of letting it all just be. now I can feel another deeper more beautiful healing is about to begin.
I chose an Art of Love Tarot card to support me.
This is the third time this card has turned up this week, so maybe it is time to take notice.
Ace of Trees – Abundance
A flood of plenty is flowing your way. You are about to experience many different manifestations of the energy you have planted.
The stable roots of this tree are endless. From this strong foundation, it can grow taller, wider and constantly bear colourful fruit and replenish its leaves as gifts of love to all. A steady stream of ideas and light fertilise the tree with words, stars and hearts. This inspires the tree to expand even further and create new fruits. This beautiful tree reminds us that when we stop and anchor our roots, no matter where we are, we feel at home. From this grounded place, it is easy to open your heart and mind to the nourishment your ideas and dreams need for full growth.
The Ace of Trees pulses with new growth and fruitful opportunity. A surge of energy brings renewed interest in your career, creations or finances. Something you have been yearning for is on its way. You can now enjoy the product of your hard work. You have been giving to others or to a project for so long that you have forgotten how to receive. To receive you must open your heart and mind. You are worthy of this manifestation.
It seems I need to put in to practise all that I have been training for over the last twenty years. It is time, no more causing myself pain. We all have different thresholds of pain, you will know when you get there. What I have learnt is to recognise the pain and stop thinking I have to suffer through it. The pain is trying to communicate to me that I am not in my truth and that my inner/higher self see things very differently to what I am in that moment. It is seeing through the eyes of balance, of love.
Every breath, every moment is an opportunity to begin again. So today let us up pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and before we action anything again we first of all become a vibrational match within. Change is an inside job.
In Love and Light,